Comics Ate My Brain

March 1, 2006

"Me fail English? That’s unpossible!"

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tom Bondurant @ 1:30 am

While researching Clark Kent’s departure from WGBS-TV for his old Daily Planet gig, I came across this laughably incompetent shareware term paper comparing Beowulf and Superman. Now, my own academic career was littered with various attempts at genre references, some more successful than others, but this is just so bad. You ghost-write something like this for someone you hate.

Enjoy these unadulterated selections:

The Old English epic of Beowulf spins the magic tale of a man of unimaginable strength who can save people from any danger and whose is extraordinarily endowed both physically and mentally.

[…] More striking is the fact that both Beowulf and Superman have their own individualistic attire. While Beowulf wears a chain mail armor dress that protects him in a very special way, the Superman has his dress protected in a special room in his house. The blue and red dress of the superman gives him his identity. Their powers are capable of deserting them. Superman’s powers had to be recovered in the town of Smallville.

[…] Although Beowulf does not sport the name and Superman does, it does not make him any less of a superhero. Beowulf, the hero of the epic poem Beowulf, and Superman, the man of steel from Marvel Comics, both act as superheroes of their time, gaining the admiration of all the people looking on.

There’s so much more, including sentence fragments, misplaced punctuation, and another reference to Supes belonging to Marvel. Really, people, don’t cheaters have at least some dignity? Handing in this piece of skata is practically an admission that you had nothing else, you were completely wasted when you “wrote” it, and you would be overjoyed with a D. (That’s D as in DC, Fact-Checker Lad.)

Probably what’s saddest is that it denigrates the value of nerds everywhere. Come on, folks, we’re supposed to be the smart ones!

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